The Show With No Name!
by neji's-akemi20
Summary: A game show where you, the readers, get to participate by writing fan or hate mail with questions to selected Death Note characters. NO FLAMES.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: We do not own Death Note, just like every one else here.**

**(This is a joint account created by two crazy fan girls.) **

Episode 1 

Spotlights on stage flare vibrant colors and shine on your two wonderful hosts…..Jocelyn and Chara!

Both: Hello and welcome to…..The Show With No Name!!!

(No, we couldn't think of a better title, deal with it.)

Chara: Now, I'm sure you are all wondering what this show is about. Allow me to hand it over to Jocelyn, so that she can explain further.

Jocelyn: All right, this is a show that MUST have its audience's participation. Basically, you, our audience, can write fan mail or hate mail to any of our Death Note characters and they will gladly or not so gladly reply. You can also ask the characters questions in your review. And yes, go and make it embarrassing for them. It's more fun that way. Now if there are too many responses I am afraid our Death Note characters will have to only respond to a few because otherwise they will be quite overwhelmed.

Chara: And here they are in all the glory of the world!

Light, L, Misa, Mello, Near, Matsuda, Matt, Mikami, and Takada are all dragged out of the shadows, handcuffed and chained together. Security guards are on either side of the line.

Light: NOOO! GET ME OUT OF HERE! I WILL NOT BE TREATED LIKE AN ANIMAL! I AM GOD! HOW DARE YOU TREAT GOD LIKE THIS! I SHALL STRIKE YOU ALL DOWN!

_Jocelyn motions for the security guard who places duck tape over Light's mouth. And yes he is still screaming…_

L: Is there cake? They said I would get cake for doing this.

Chara runs over to glomp L tightly and growls at random fan girls.

Jocelyn: -muttering under her breath- Chara…you're on live TV.

Chara looks up from L and stares blankly into cameras.

Misa: Misa-Misa is so excited!!

Chara lets go off L and slaps Misa with dead fish.

Misa: EEEEK! EWWWW!

Jocelyn: Shut up, Misa. Guards!

A security guard also tapes Misa's mouth shut.

Matsuda sees a butterfly, gets distracted and starts to talk to it.

Matsuda: Hello there little friend! Are you being held captive too? These handcuffs are very uncomfortable….

Chara holds knife to Matsuda's back.

Chara: You're not being held captive. This is fun…right?

Mello: -scoffs- Fun…

Chara: Put a cork in it blondie!

Everyone: OOHH!

Near is silent as he stares into nothingness. Takada is filing her nails and looking annoyed. Matt is sitting on the floor playing on his special silver edition PSP.

Mikami is writing on his arm and whispering to himself.

Mikami: Delete -twitch- Delete –twitch-

Jocelyn looks back and forth between Light and L muttering to herself.

Jocelyn: Wow, Light is hot, but he's a wimp….L is cute…but he's weird… -looks at Matt- And now Matt is starting to look attractive as well…..I don't know anymore. My poor brain can't take the stress….

Chara: -speaking loudly to cover up Jocelyn's voice- Anyway, so about the show. Now at the end of the season, the character with the most HATE mail will have to do something that he or she does NOT wish to do. And I will assure you that it will be uber hilarious, but it's a secret. Yes, we are evil.

Jocelyn who realizes that the show is still going on picks up on her cue.

Jocelyn: And the character with the most FAN mail will get a surprise! So please write your reviews and tune in next time on…

Everyone: THE SHOW WITH NO NAME!!!!!

Screams of fans and screams of pain from the characters can be heard echoing throughout the auditorium.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ok now that's the end of the first show! So please please please write reviews (fan/hate mail/questions) or else the show cannot go on!

And also please feel free to send us reviews if you liked the show! NO FLAMES!!! But do mention that it is a review and not a statement that you would like for us to put on the show. Thank you!


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: We do not own Death Note, but we do own Fred the Fish.**

**Episode 2**

Lights flicker as screaming fans bring the dead auditorium to life. 9 shadowed figures stand chained together at the back of the stage while 2 closer figures are suddenly revealed.

Everyone: -with some grumbling- Welcome back to THE SHOW WITH NO NAME!

Chara: Thank you for all of your participation. We have received 4 letters concerning the Death Note cast. We would like to make something clear…

Jocelyn: It appears that some of our readers did not fully understand what this show is about. Since it has no name I can't really blame them….anyway. We will both give you an example of either fan or hate mail with QUESTIONS. Now the fan or hate mail can be for any one of the cast members and the questions you ask can either refer to the character you decided to write to or to any other character. Please, please, please add questions to your letters. That way the characters can reply and answer any questions you might have for them. Whether it concerns yaoi, other pairings, personal opinions, or anything else (including randomness up to an extent where we can understand what you are talking about).

Chara: Ok, so here is an example of HATE mail,

Dear Light,

You're a pathetic loser and I hate your guts. You are such a wimp and I'm happy you died (bet you didn't know you died yet ha-ha). By the way are you gay? And if you are which of the cast members would you sleep with?

Hate you forever,

-insert name here-

Ok, now an example of FAN mail.

Dear Matt,

I love you, you're awesome! Where did you get those goggles? You were way too cool to die!!! It made me cry! Wait….did you know you died? Oops, well hang in there.

Love,

-insert name here- cough-Jocelyn-cough.

Jocelyn: Yes, I would probably write fan mail to Matt if I didn't host this show…anyway. So you get the idea now. And yes we still have a performance for you….NOW ON WITH THE SHOW!

Lights shut off momentarily.

Light: What happened? WAHHH! I'M SCARED!

Mello: Haha! You're scared of the dark, Light? Man, you are a wimp.

Light: Shut up! That was Matsuda.

Matsuda: I'm a ghost! BOO!

Mello: Omg, I'm surrounded by morons….

Lights flash back on. There are nine chairs lined up in the middle of the stage. The cast members are all sitting. Two chairs are faced sideways at the front of the stage. One chair is opposite to them. Our two hosts are sitting in the chairs up front and the chair opposite them is vacant.

Chara: Alright, now our first victim –cough cough- I mean participant is none other than L!!

Jocelyn: Come on up, L.

L looks up from stuffing his face full of cookies and reluctantly walks over to the empty seat. He crouches down into his usual manner of sitting and looks up at the hosts attentively.

Jocelyn: Ok, you have one question and three fan mail!

Audience cheers.

Light: -scoffs- Why does L get all the attention? I'm the main character! OW!

Takada reaches over and punches Light in the arm.

Chara: Anywho…here is the question.

"Ooh I want to ask L about the LightxL pairing! Does he really feel for Light?! Fanservice!" From: Sans Amoure AKA S.A

L: -wide eyes- -blinks- Well, I do have certain feelings for Light-kun, but-

Light: So that's why you chained us up together! I knew there was a reason for it you gay bastard!

Misa: -stands up and points at L- Pervert!

Chara: -throws dead squirrel at Light and Misa- Shut up! You're the gay one, Light!

Everyone: Ooooh.

Jocelyn: Chara, where do you get all these dead animals?

Chara: Some things are better left unsaid.

Takada: Hey, Misa. How does it feel to know that your fiancé is gay? –smirks-

Misa: He is not gay! He loves Misa-Misa! Don't you Light?

Light: Um…..

Mello: Hah! That proves it! They're both gay! Good god!

Light: ARG! JUST SHUT UP ALREADY!

-cricket cricket-

L: Well as I was saying…I think of Light-kun as a friend-

Matsuda: What do you mean by friend? Heeheehee.

Mello: You are such a girl…

Near: No more than you Mello.

Everyone: Oooh.

Jocelyn: Ok! Let's let L finish.

L: Thank you Jocelyn-san. I think of him as a friend, he is my first friend, so in that sense he's special to me.

Mikami: I DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS! –starts having nervous break-down- I ALWAYS WANTED A FRIEND! –sobs- SOMEONE TO TALK TO WHEN I'M SAD AND LONELY!

Fred the Fish pops up behind Mikami.

Fred: I'll be your friend.

Mikami: -turns around and screams like a girl- -starts hyperventilating- AHH! FISH! TALKING FISH!

Fred: My name is Fred. How are you today, Mikami?

Mikami: AHH! FRED! FISH! FISHY FRED!

Fred quickly disappears before anyone notices he was there to begin with.

Mello: WTF?! Who the hell are you talking to, Mikami?

A small beeping noise is heard.

Matt: NOOOO! GAME OVER?! –glares at Mikami- Dammit! You made me lose my concentration! I was on the last level too!

Mikami: -stops crying-

Takada: Thank god.

Mikami: -starts sobbing uncontrollably-

Everyone: Oo

L: I have no sexual feelings for Light-kun. He is not my type.

Matsuda: Am I your type?

Everyone: Oo

Jocelyn: No comment.

Chara: Anywho….thank you L for your explanation. Now we will read everyone's fan and hate mail out loud. Since there are no more questions –sobs- we will have to wait till next time to bring someone else up for an interrogation.

Jocelyn: Yes, interrogating is fun…

Chara: Ok, here we go,

"Fan mail for Mello! Go Mello! Who! I'm a bit…energetic right now. 0o….Mello!! Who!"

From: Mez the revengeful.

Mello: Hell ya! Take that Near!

Near: -rolls eyes-

Jocelyn drags chalkboard out with characters names on a grid. There are two rows, one smiley face, one frowny face (fan and hate mail). Tallies one smiley for L and one smiley for Mello.

Jocelyn: We also have some hate mail for Light!

Light: WHAT?

Chara: Haha you heard her!

Jocelyn: And some fan mail included.

"Bo Light! Fan fan fan mail for Near & L! Wot who!"

From: 3v07

Matsuda: Does that mean fan mail for NearxL pairing?

Near: L's not my type.

Mello: You're sick Matsuda. You need professional help.

Matsuda: Me? Take a look at him! –points to Mikami-

Mikami: -rocking back and forth in chair- THE FISHIES ARE COMING! THE FISHIES ARE COMING!

Mello: Good point.

Both Jocelyn and Chara: Our last fan mail for L!

"L…L!"

From: Jedi Master With A Pen

Chara adds two more tallies for L under smiley and one smiley for Near. She then adds one frowny for Light.

Jocelyn: Well we have L in the lead with 3 fan mails followed by Near and Mello with one each. Light is losing with one hate mail.

Light: BUT I'M THE MAIN CHARACTER! I'M GOD!

Matt: Stop throwing a fit, man. You're making me lose my concentration. –turns back to PSP-

Chara: Well, that's the end of the show! Please add questions to your fan or hate mail! And tune in next time on…

Everyone: THE SHOW WITH NO NAME!

Mikami: FRED!

Mello: Fred's out to get you.

Mikami: NOOO! NOT FRED!

-silence-

Jocelyn: Well that killed it….

Chara: -throws dead rabbit at Mikami-

Everyone: (yes once again) THE SHOW WITH NO NAME!

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Thanks for tuning in, and remember to ask questions with your fan or hate mail.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: We don't own Death Note, Kirby, or cheesecake, but we do own Fred the Fish.**

Now just upgraded to adding a title on the live TV show in bright neon letters. It reads THE SHOW WITH NO NAME. Cameras pan toward the stage as lights shine onto the cast and hosts.

Jocelyn: Welcome back, once again, to your favorite show…

Everyone: THE SHOW WITH NO NAME!

Crowd cheers.

Chara: Sit back and relax everyone, because this one's going to be a long lumpy ride!!!

Jocelyn: For the cast members at least. –giggles-

The Death Note characters have taken their usual seats and are looking quite petrified…Our two hosts are sitting at the front with a bunch of letters in their hands with the foreboding empty chair across from them.

Chara: Ok first up is…..Mello!!

Mello is unchained from the rest of the line and is escorted by a security guard to the empty seat. Both hands are chained to the arms of the chair.

Mello: Why do I have to be chained up? L didn't have to!

Security Guard: Because you are bipolar.

Mello: -grumbles-

Jocelyn: And the letter for you, Mello, says…

"Dear Mello,

You are the single-most awe-inspiring character in the whole Death Note series…Even if you do look like a girl, have anger issues, are unable to beat Near at anything at all, died a really predictable death, and have a hideous scar.

Go you!"

Mez

"(Is this hate or fan mail? The world may never know!)"

From: Mez the revengeful.

Chara: So what do you have to say to that Mello?

Mello: Why does everyone think that tight pants are girly? They look sexy on me! So all of you just shut up! AND I DON'T HAVE ANGER ISSUES! AND I CAN BEAT NEAR AT ANYTHING I WANT! –pulls out chocolate bar and starts munching contentedly- And what do you mean I died? I'm right here, stupid! You better get your facts straight. And I think this scar is very fashionable. I get more attention with it than I did without. Hell ya! Go me!

Matsuda: You're a boy?

Mello: WHAT? YOU IDIOT! OF COURSE I'M A BOY!

Matsuda: -scratches head- Well, it's kind of hard to tell…

Mello: -growls- -starts to munch on chocolate again-

Takada: You really are bipolar.

Mello: -fumes- I AM NOT! –giggles- Oh shit. It's a sugar high. Blame it on the sugar.

Chara: Ok moving along, sorry Mello but we have a lot of letters to get to today.

Jocelyn pulls out the infamous chalkboard and tallies one smiley for Mello.

(Yes we counted that as fan mail)

Chara: Here's another one for Mello,

"I have a question for Mello and fan mail for Matt : ;"

Matt: Sweet.

Mello: Shut up, Matt. Just keep playing Kirby.

Chara: Ahem, going back to the letter,

"I hope it's okay if I do two characters at once.

Mello: There's a rumor going around that you don't wear any underwear/boxers whatsoever. Is that true?

Matt: - oh my god your SO cute I love you!! I cried when Takada's guards shot you T. T o ..YOU TAKADA"

From: Trinity Massacrexx

Matt: Yeah, love you too. –quickly turns back to PSP- -pauses- -looks up- What do you mean I died?

Mello is somewhat embarrassed and trying to think of a comeback. Let's give him a few seconds.

Jocelyn: -looks at everyone- I just noticed something…All of the characters here die except for Matsuda and Near.

Everyone: -wide eyes- -blinks- (except for Matsuda)

Matsuda: Heehee. I'm so cool I get to live.

Near: -Twirls hair-

Mello gets a hold of himself, trying to avoid the question.

Mello: You are the most uncool and gayest person here, Matsuda.

Matsuda: Well, look who's talking , Tighty Panties.

Mello: -fumes-

Mikami: DEAD? DYING? NOOO! FRED KILLS ME! AHH FRIED FRED!

Fred the Fish pops out of nowhere.

Fred: I'm not a fried fish. And yes, you die.

Mikami: -is in denial- BUT FRIED FISH IS EVIL! AND I CAN'T DIE! I DON'T HAVE A FRIEND YET!

Light: -calmly looks at Mikami- Mikami, apparently you are schizophrenic and delusional.

Jocelyn: Apparently you have calmed down some, Light.

Light: Yes, there is no need to waste my energy on incompetent fools such as yourselves.

Chara: All right then, moving on. Mello, you have failed to give us an answer to the letter we received. Concerning whether or not you even wear underwear or boxers. –snickers-

Mello: -scoffs- Of course I don't. Underwear is for losers. And how am I supposed to wear underwear with these tight pants? I have my reputation to uphold. My leather pants are my signature style.

-silence-

Mikami: -cries- I WANT A PONY!

Fred pops up behind Mikami

Fred: Why do you need a pony when you have me?

Mikami: -starts sobbing uncontrollably-

Jocelyn: Moving forward….

Chara tallies one smiley for Matt.

Jocelyn: Thank you, Mello for that interesting answer.

Chara: Now Mello you can return to your seat, and will L please take Mello's place?

Mello: How can I go back to my seat when I'm chained up like I'm some prisoner?

Security Guard: Because you are. –unlocks Mello's handcuffs-

Mello returns to his seat and L takes his place.

Jocelyn: This one is for you L.

"Yay! I got a shout-out!

For L:

Kyahh! I love you soo much L-kun! You're my favorite. But I've always wondered. What's your favorite dessert?"

From: Sans Amoure AKA S.A

L: I'm not really picky when it comes to sweets, but I would have to say that cake is on the top of my list.

Chara: What kind of cake exactly?

L: Well, I prefer cheesecake.

Security guards bring in pieces of cheesecake for everyone. L's face lights up as he sees cheesecake and quickly gobbles it down.

Fred the Fish whispers to Mikami.

Fred: I don't like cheesecake, but I do like cheese. It's so bright and yellow.

Mikami: AHHH! CHEESE!

Security guard tries to hand cheesecake to Mikami.

Mikami: -hyperventilating- BRIGHT! YELLOW! CHEESE! GET IT AWAY!

Security guard slowly backs away.

Jocelyn tallies one smiley for L.

Both Jocelyn and Chara: We couldn't decide who was going to read the next one so we both will. You may return to your seat L. This is fan and hate mail.

"Hi! I just got into Death Note like a week ago, but I've read it all, seen

the movies, and watched the anime,(up to episode 25..sniffle L NO! it's so

much sadder with music!cough uhh anyway...) Fan mail for...

L- L is soo awesome, and adorable! You're my favorite character!

Matt- Go Matt! My friends and I celebrate Matt Day!

Mello- I love chocolate too!

Hate/Fan mail for Light - I mostly thought you were a crazy jerk, but for the

short time you lost your memories of Kira you were pretty cool. And almost as

adorable as L."

From: Spinningisfun.

Matt: Awesome!

Mello: Hell ya! Chocolate is the bomb!

L: I appreciate the compliment, thank you.

Light: Uh…thanks?

Jocelyn tallies one smiley for L, Matt, Mello, and Light. Light also gets a frowny.

Chara: Now this letter is addressed to Light, Matsuda, and Mikami.

Security guards bring out two more chairs. Characters take their seats.

Chara: Here we go:

"Dear Light,

Don't worry, Light…despite what all the haters say, I understand you (I was one of the top students at my high school, too). It may be stressful multitasking with school and your "extra-curricular activities", but I have faith in you! Do you have any gray hairs yet?

Bless you,

Derrot"

Light: Thank you, at least someone understands what I'm going through. And no surprisingly enough I don't have any gray hairs.

Matsuda: I bet you dye your hair, right Light?

Misa: How dare you?! Light is Misa-Misa's perfect fiancé! There's nothing wrong with him!

Chara: Except for the fact that he is evil, bipolar at times, and pathetic.

Misa: -sticks tongue out-

Jocelyn: Thank you, Light. Now this is for both Matsuda and Mikami.

"Dear Matsuda and Mikami,

Since you don't get enough love(like you deserve) and don't have any friends…have you ever thought of hooking up? Matsuda, you are cute..and Mikami, you are sexy..how about it? winkwinknudgenudge And then you can adopt Fred the Fish.

Love,

Derrot"

Mikami: AHH! NOOO! ANYTHING BUT FRED!

Takada: So that means that you wouldn't mind hooking up with Matsuda?

Mikami: Huh?

Light: Forget him, he's hopeless.

Matsuda: Oh thank you. Yes, I'm cute, but no one here seems to realize. And what do you mean I don't have any friends? Light is-oh wait. He turned out to be evil. And I shot him. Nevermind.

Light: WHAT?!

Chara: Yes you die, get over it.

Light: But I'm here right now…

Matsuda: Well Mikami seems like a nice enough guy if you look over the fact that he is mental. And apparently he doesn't have any friends. I could be his friend. And then I can finally meet Fred. He apparently really likes Fred since he's always talking about him.

Mikami: -in futile mode-

Matsuda: Hey, Mikami? Do you want to go out for tea?

Mikami: Ok, sure. I need a friend.

Chara: Thank you Matsuda and Mikami. Mikami can return to his seat now.

Mikami shuffles back to his seat.

Jocelyn tallies one smiley for Matsuda, Mikami, and Light.

Chara:

"I have questions:

Light: Did you know your last name spelled backwards is I'm a gay?

Matsuda: Are you gay?!

Well that's all for now…GO L! (and Mello)"

From: WolfGirl88

Light: Of course I noticed that. I'm not an idiot. And why does everyone say that I'm gay? What have I done to provoke that? I'm hitting on all these girls! Two at a time man!

Misa: -fumes- -stares at Takada- Misa-Misa hates you. Misa-Misa wants Light all to herself! Stupid Takada can't have him! –throws a fit-

Mello: Well, Light. Maybe you're hitting on all those girls just to hide the fact that you're dating boys on the side?

Light: Where's my death note when I need it?

L: Yes! That proves it! I knew you were Kira! I win!

Light: Well I killed you first so it doesn't really matter.

Near: I win.

Mello: The only reason you won was because of me!

Near: Well you died so you don't get any credit.

Mello: -fumes-

Jocelyn: I think we've continued this conversation long enough. Matsuda, what do you have to say about the gay comment?

Matsuda: -shyly- I'm not gay…

Takada: Then why are you wearing pink nail polish?

Matsuda: It looks good on me. Besides, real men wear pink.

Light: No they don't. And wouldn't that make you bi? Since you were hitting on my sister. She's in high school.

Misa: -points accusingly at Matsuda- Pedophile!

Matsuda: Well back to the point I'm not telling my secrets.

Mello: Hah! That proves it right there!

L: There is a 9 chance that Matsuda is gay and 14 that he is bi. Only 2 chance that he is straight.

Near: -twisting his hair- Agreed.

Jocelyn: Ok, we really need to move on now. This is our last letter for today's show. Now Matsuda you may return to your seat. Light you need to stay put as Misa, L, and Mello come on up.

Characters move to their spots, but Mello doesn't have a seat.

Mello: Hey! What about me?

Chara: We ran out of chairs so you get to stand.

Mello: What a cheap show. This sucks.

Jocelyn:

"Yo y'all. This is Rissa or R-D, whatever you prefer. Anywho, I heard an old

folk legend once that a werewolf (cursed kind, mind you) can halt the change

during a full moon or emotional stress if he refuses to eat flesh of any kind.

So, L, are you a wolfie controlling yourself by eating killer loads of sugar

and nothing else? Even so, you're a smexy guy.

Mello, did it bother you that in the second intro of the Death Note series,

you looked like a … in the gutter? I kind of wished you were, since the other

two main female characters were Misa (though cute and sweet in a creepy,

Gothic way) was obsessive and a half wit, and Takada is a …. Have you ever

wondered what it was like to be a woman?

Misa, Light, why aren't Ryuk and Rem (my fav shinigami) with you? Matter of

fact, Rem was basically the one cool girl on the show and manga.

Anywho, time for me to chill out with Jimmy Buffet tunes and gorge on tacos,

so I just have to say: nice job with the story so far, author(s). I just have

one thing to add: don't OOC Light. Though I did like the god rant... Maybe

later on he should be struck by lightning by you know who? hehe

--the Hork-Bajir loving, Mexican crazed, epiphany obsessed dragon

Risika-dragon"

Chara: Ok L, first lets hear your answers and opinions.

L: Well I have to say that it is an interesting theory that I'm a werewolf though it is highly unlikely. You have almost no proof that I am a werewolf. Besides werewolves are beyond logic.

Mikami: WEREWOLF? AHHH! RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!

Light: Now look what you've done.

L: I didn't start it. It was in the question. I simply answered. Now, back to the question about my sugar intake. My brain works harder than an average person's, meaning that I burn calories at an alarming rate and I happen to like sugar. A lot.

Jocelyn: Now Mello, what do you have to say about your questions?

Mello: -calmly- I happen to think I look sexy no matter what. And have I ever thought about what it might be like to be a woman? –fumes- NO WAY! WHAT ARE YOU IMPLYING?!

Chara: All righty then, Light and Misa. Why aren't Ryuk and Rem with you?

Light: Ryuk is shy so he stayed home. At least that's what he told me. I bet he's out surfing.

Misa: Ok, before Misa-Misa answers anything else. In Mello's question it is said that I'm a half-wit? I'm not dumb! I'm second Kira!

L: Yes! That also proves my theory correct!

Light: Dammit.

Misa: Oops. Well anyway, Rem is cleaning Misa-Misa's house right now.

Near: You treat a Shinigami like a maid?

Misa: -shrugs- She offered.

Chara: Hey, Jocelyn. Should we have Light get struck by lightning like the letter suggested?

Jocelyn: Sure. It will solve my problem for deciding if I like him or not.

Light: HEY!

Chara: Don't worry, we'll get sued anyway by your lawyer.

Jocelyn: Maybe some other time. But now for the tallies. So far L is in the lead with 6 smileys, followed by Mello with 4, Light and Matt with 2. Mikami, Matsuda, and Near with one.

Chara: Since Light has 2 smileys and 2 frownys they cancel out to make 0. So Light is not running at all.

Light: That's not fair.

Jocelyn: People who don't specify if it's fan or hate mail will not be counted. We will gladly take your questions however, but if you want you may specify if its fan or hate mail.

Both Jocelyn and Chara: Well that's it for now! Please continue sending in fan or hate mail with questions! See you next time on…

Everyone: THE SHOW WITH NO NAME!

Lights fade out and cameras pan out.

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By the way if y'all didn't know this is a joint account, meaning that two of us are writing this together.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: We do not own Death Note, Victoria Secret, PSP, or Nintendo DS, but we do own Fred the Fish.**

In bright neon letters reads THE SHOW WITH NO NAME. Cameras pan through the crowd to the stage where our two hosts and cast are revealed.

Chara: Welcome back to…

Everyone (including the crowd): THE SHOW WITH NO NAME!

Jocelyn: This week we have received 5 letters concerning our favorite or not so favorite Death Note characters.

Chara: Some of these we warn you are quite long so get ready once again. Go grab some popcorn and a drink and settle down.

Jocelyn: Actually, if you have bladder issues don't bring a drink…please.

Chara: Let's get straight to it then. Our first letter is for Matt, Mello, and Near. Stay in your seats because this is fan and hate mail.

Jocelyn:

"This was a great chapter! .

My friends who don't have accounts want me to tell you this...

Fan Mail -Matt and Mello- My friends Bailey and Courtney are being you for Halloween.

Hate Mail -Near- You are an annoying little kid.

And Bailey also had this to say, "Light, the longer you use the death note, the crazier you get.""

From: Spinningisfun

Matt: Nice.

Mello: Good luck trying to match the awesomeness that is me.

Near: First of all, I'm not a kid. And second, I don't really care what you think of me.

Light: You're calling me crazy? –points to Mikami-

Mikami: -imitating a teapot- -sing song voice- I'm a little teapot short and stout!

Matsuda joins in.

Light: Why am I chained to these idiots?

Chara tallies on the chalkboard one smiley for Matt and Mello. One frowny for Near.

Jocelyn: Apparently a rabid monkey came in this morning and destroyed our extra chairs so you guys have to stay in your seats.

Everyone: …..

Chara: Next question.

"I want to ask something!!

For L: Wow, you have 6 smileys-- you're probably the most popular death note character. I don't really like telling others that I like you a lot because I know rabid fans will definitely kill me. D: So, I'll start with the question: Why aren't you arresting Light yet since you said he's Kira (Also Misa) and where do you buy your clothes??""

L: Well currently I am chained to a chair and I am being held captive so I can't exactly do anything about the Kira case right now.

Chara: -cough cough- What L is TRYING to say is that he is currently working with us on the show and does not have time to arrest the two Kiras at the moment –cough cough-

L: As I was saying, to answer your other question, Watari buys all my clothes for me because I am usually working. I don't exactly have the luxury to expose myself out in the open.

Misa: Then why are you on the show?

L: I told you I'm being held captive.

Matsuda: Does anyone want to know where I go shopping?

Everyone: -groans-

Matsuda: VICTORIA SECRET!

Everyone: Oo….

Mello: Now that's disturbing.

Jocelyn: OK moving right along now. Continuing with the same letter.

"For Light: Yeah, most of the mails are hate mails about you being a jerk... I think your Kira-self's just really cool!! The distorted smirks though are another thing. Can you tell us how your early mornings go when it was the Yotsuba arc?? You're chained to L right?"

Light: Yes. Kira is God, therefore of course he is cool. And I don't have distorted smirks –smirks distortedly-

Chara: -points accusingly- You're doing it right now!

Light: I AM NOT! –smirk becomes even more distorted- Anyway, when I had lost all memory of the death note, L would make me get up at 5 am. I would have to sleep on the floor since we were chained together and I didn't want people to get the wrong idea.

Mello: What is the wrong idea? –smirks-

Matsuda: Heeheehee. Maybe he's lying and he did sleep with L.

Light: Matsuda, shut up.

Mello: Hah! You don't deny it!

Light: WHAT?!

L: Well actually he did sleep on the floor, but since I have trouble sleeping, I was unfortunate to witness him sleep-crawl into bed. He was too heavy to shove off. And he mumbles in his sleep. I would rather not discuss what he was saying…

Matsuda: Teeheehee.

Light: -grumbles- I do not talk in my sleep. And yes I am currently chained up next to L, unfortunately.

Matsuda: You're just saying that.

Mello: Is everyone gay here except for me?

Chara: Ok, on with the letter.

"Matt: Why did you have to die so fast? They didn't even show more about you!! Oh and which do you prefer... a PSP or a Nintendo DS?"

Matt: -looks up from PSP- Why does everyone keep on saying that I die? I'm right here.

Light: Yes, people keep on mentioning that I die as well which is of course ridiculous.

Jocelyn hands Light Death Note Volume 12

Matsuda: -looks over Light's shoulder- Hey! Look, there's me!

Light: …..

Mello: -grabs Death Note Volume 12- -flips to page where he dies- WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?! HOW CAN I DIE?!

Near: Because you act before you think.

Mello: Shut up, Near.

Jocelyn: Ok Matt, would you mind answering the question about whether you prefer a PSP or Nintendo DS? –swoons-

Matt: Well, a PSP cuz it has a cool touch screen with a pen. It's way better than DS.

Chara: Thank you, Matt. Jocelyn please continue with the letter.

Jocelyn:

"Mello: Why tight pants? It reminds me of Ryuk's! Don't get me wrong, I think Near wouldn't have won if it wasn't for your awesome role as the... 2nd.. in... line. o.o; But you're still cool!"

Mello: Of course I'm cool. –fumes- How dare you compare my pants to a shinigami's! Mine are custom made! And tight pants make me look hot and sexy. Yes, Near wouldn't have won shit if it wasn't for me.

Near: I never said I did it without your help.

Mello: I hate you with a passion.

Chara: Next question,

"Near: Not that much fan-mails, eh? Well, I think you're a suitable successor and also, are you trying to copy L?"

Near: Yes, unfortunately people don't seem to realize my potential. L is above me, I could never copy him.

Jocelyn:

"Misa: I don't quite like you but I think you're a better pair than LightxKiyomi!! (Die Kiyomi!) May I suggest the death note? xD"

Misa: Misa-Misa wishes she had the death note so she could kill Kiyomi.

Light: Where is Takada, anyway? –looks around-

Chara: Oh, we locked her up in the happy –cough- torture chamber –cough-.

Jocelyn: -evil grin-

Near: A "happy" torture chamber?

Jocelyn: We're making her watch Teletubbie reruns.

Chara: If you listen hard enough you can hear her scream.

-silence-

A muffled scream is heard in the background.

Jocelyn and Chara laugh evilly.

L: Why did you lock her up?

Chara: Because she was being a bitch and complaining that she didn't get room service.

Everyone: -wide eyes-

Chara:

"The rest 'cause this review is getting long: What's your favorite color and what are your hobbies? 8D (Sorry Matsuda for not asking you a question But, it's unfair that you shot Light. I also wanted to shoot him!)"

From: DigitalWing

Jocelyn: Since Takada is currently unavailable-

Muffled scream in background.

Jocelyn: Um….only Matsuda and Mikami are left.

Mikami: -cringes- Colors frighten me…

Chara: Um…right.

Matsuda: I LOVE PINK!

Everyone: -wide eyes-

Mello: Ok that's it. Matsuda is 100 percent gay.

L and Near: Agreed.

Matsuda: But I'm not gay!

Mello: We all know you are so stop hiding in the closet.

Matsuda: -cries- But I'm not gay! I thought pink was supposed to be bold and manly!

Light: Now you can be best friends with Mikami.

Mikami and Matsuda: -cry-

Jocelyn: Um…..what are your hobbies?

Mikami and Matsuda stop crying

Mikami: Talking to myself.

Light: That's a really strange hobby.

Matsuda: Shopping!

Everyone:..…

Chara tallies one smiley for L, Light, Matt, Mello, and Near. We couldn't decide whether or not Misa's was fan or hate mail.

Misa: Hmph.

Jocelyn:

"I love this story. now on with the questions. mawhaahhahahahaha

(fan mail/question) Marsh-Mello/Matt/Near: Why weren't any of you in the movie! that completely ruined it.

Marsh-Mello -How much do you spend on chocolate per year? (don't kill me for calling you marsh-Mello)"

Jocelyn and Chara start laughing uncontrollably.

Mello: What the hell is wrong with you?

Jocelyn and Chara: Omg, Marsh-Mello! How cute!!!!!

Both run over to hug Mello tightly.

Mello: ARG! GET OFF OF ME! CAN'T BREATHE!

They let go. Chara runs over to hug Near while Jocelyn goes over to hug Matt.

Jocelyn and Chara: You are soooo cute!

Near: Is this really necessary?

Matt: -hugs back-

Jocelyn: OMG! –falls over and faints-

Chara runs over to hug Matt who also hugs her back. Jocelyn revives from faint and runs over to hug Mello while sticking tongue out at Near. Mello is acting like a bull trying to throw off its rider.

Jocelyn: Oh great, now I like Mello too. This isn't fair…

Chara: It's ok Jocelyn, I like L, Near, Mello, and Matt. So don't feel bad.

Both let go.

Light: You two are weird.

Jocelyn and Chara: Yes, we know.

Matt: This is my lucky day. –wry smile-

Jocelyn and Chara: Omg we want to hug you again but we have to go on with the show unfortunately. –puppy dog eyes-

Near: Well to answer the fan question, we were the first ones to be taken captive and so we couldn't exactly be on set to shoot. And everyone else had to find replacements because they were also snatched up and brought here.

Mello: Why am I called Marsh-Mello? I'm not white and squishy! And I can't kill you anyway because you're not here.

Jocelyn: Harsh. It's ok, Tarna, Mello hates everyone.

Chara: If it makes you feel better we think it's uber cute!

Matsuda pokes Mello to see if he's squishy.

Mello: STOP THAT YOU PERVERT!

Matsuda: You're not squishy. –sulks-

Chara:

"fan mail/question for L:You are my favorite person in death note, then Light, Mello, Matt, Near, Rem, Ryuk, Matsuda and then Mikami (I just love the crazy people, they have such weird mood swings:D)(fan mail to all mentioned people/shinigami). anyway on with the questions because I started ranting. L, how much do you spend on sugar/sweets per year?

You say that if you sit like other people your reasoning ability's drop 40, so what would happen if sat normally?

Does Light talk in his sleep, if so what does he say(you were chained to him so you should know)?"

L: Thank you. I spend about 600,000 dollars per year.

Everyone: Woah.

L: And as I mentioned before Light does indeed talk in his sleep. Due to the fact that we are on live television I would rather not say…

Light: -blushes-

Jocelyn and Chara: Normally we would comment on Light blushing, but we need to move along.

L: Well, I have never actually tried to sit normally.

Everyone/Crowd: DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!

Security guard comes by to force L to sit normally and clamps cuffs on legs to keep them from moving back to their original position.

L: -stares down at feet- -wiggles toes- Hey, I can wiggle my toes! –giggles-

Everyone: -wide eyes-

Light: Witness the great detective L in all his glory.

L: Can't think straight. Can't think straight.

Chara:….This is kinda making him seem unattractive. But I feel sorry for the guy.

Jocelyn: Awwww I think its cute!

Chara: You like dumb guys?!

Jocelyn: No, I like them smart. He's just adorable this way….anyway.

"Random questions to anyone who wants to answer:

Whats your favorite color?

Whats the longest you ever had a song stuck in your head?

What was that song?

Do you like spam?

If Light was only using Misa/Takada that means he doesn't like them so therefore he doesn't like girls so he must be gay. Also his last name backwards is imagay so he is gay. He is also obsessed with L so that must mean that Light is kira and loves L. mawhahahahaahahahaa mawahhahahhaahahaha

I will give Ryuk all these apples if he comes to the show to say hi (20 apples pop out of nowhere).

Misa tell Rem I say hi."

Chara: Both Mikami and Matsuda have already answered that question. So we will quickly go through the other characters.

Light: Red. It's the color of power.

Matsuda: The longest time a song's been stuck in my head has been for a week. And it was Barbie girl.

Mello: You scare me.

Mikami: SPAM?! NOOO NOT SPAM!

Fred the Fish pops out of nowhere.

Fred: Hello, Mikami. Long time no see.

Mikami: WHY??!!!! –sobs-

Light: Ok, this person put me in her fan mail and yet she still calls me a gay? And I said last time that I know that my name spelled backwards is…..I won't say it. That doesn't necessarily mean that I am gay. I am not obsessed with L.

L: Ho hum.

(yes he's still sitting normally the poor guy)

Security guard lures Ryuk out onto the stage with an apple on the end of a fishing pole.

Ryuk: -stares blankly into cameras- Hi mommy. Wait, I don't have a mom.

Mikami: MOMMY!!!!

Mello: -bangs head on wall repeatedly-

Ryuk: Where are my apples?

Ryuk gets bombarded by 20 apples that pop out of nowhere.

Ryuk: Hyuk Hyuk. –starts munching apples contentedly-

Jocelyn:

"Hate mail for Light/Takada/Misa- you and your minions killed some of my favorite characters so can the authors throw all these mellons at light, takada, and misa (brings out 10 watermellons).

sorry about the long time-wasting reveiw. please update soon :)

-Tarna"

Security guards drag out 2 cannons from shadows and start loading them with melons.

Chara; Yay! This is gonna be fun!

Jocelyn: Hehehe.

Chara lights fuse to cannon and melons are shot at Light repeatedly.

Light: OWW! HEY! STOP! I'M GOD! OUCH! ONCE I GET MY DEATH NOTE BACK I SHALL KILL YOU ALL! OWW! –whimpers- MOMMY!

Mello: Hah, you're pathetic, Light.

Jocelyn lights fuse to cannon and melons are shot at Misa repeatedly.

Misa: EWWWW! YOU GOT MISA-MISA'S NEW OUTFIT ALL DIRTY!

Chara: Takada isn't here right now so we will gladly throw melons at her later.

Jocelyn tallies one smiley for Mello, Matt, Near, L, Light, Matsuda, and Mikami. One frowny for Takada, Light, and Misa.

Chara:

"hey! that was a hilarious/great chapter!!

okay! i have questions/fan mail/hate mail:

the hate mail go to: (sorry guys!)

light (me screams bo! loudly), some to misa-misa (cuz cuz sorry man... ur an accomplice! you suck!!), mikami (you're psychotic and you're scaring me!), and takada! (you killed MELLO! Or, atleast i think so...)

the fan mail go to:

L! (me screams: WOT!), Near! (same screams), Mello! (same screams), MATSUDA (WOT!), a couple fan mail to misa-misa, Ryuk!, Rem! Matt! (For the super awesome googles) and .. did I mention Matsuda? XDD"

Chara adds tallies.

Jocelyn:

"OK! On to the questions. My first one is to Light Yagami

Dear Light,

You're a selfish bas-tard and I hate you with a passion! You think you're God. HAH, you are FAR from God, never was close to being God, and never WILL be God. Sorry man, you were awesome the first couple books, but you just went downhill from there. I knew you were going to die from the very beginning, sorry man, and I just waited to see how gruesome your demise was, and I thought the author of Death Note portrayed your sorry demise pretty well. I mean, you begged, how sweeter can that be?? And your facial expression was priceless (XD). Anyways, my question to you is: If you were that original, cool guy in the beginning, and didn't pick up that notebook, and happened to come across Misa-Misa and Takada later on in the course of your evil-free life, who would you genuinely fall for? Misa-Misa, or Takada?

Love,

3v07 or Love. "

Light: I am not a selfish bastard because I thought of the whole world and used the power of the death note to make the world a better place by destroying all evil.

Near: Except for yourself.

Light: I am not evil, I am righteous.

Mello: -scoffs- Sure.

Light: Would I choose Misa or Takada? Well…

Mello: He wouldn't choose either because he's gay!

L: LOL!

Everyone: -blinks and stares-

Matt: -looks up from PSP- This is scaring me. Put him in his freaky crouching position.

Jocelyn: Awwww. Matt you're so cute.

Chara: -sweat drops- Um security, please take the chains off of L. I totally agree with Matt.

Security guard does as asked and L crouches "normally".

L: Thank you Chara-san.

Chara: You can repay me with a hug.

Jocelyn: A hug? If you're gonna go for it ask for a kiss.

Chara: HECK YES!!! OK L I CHANGE MY MIND!!

L: I prefer hugs, Chara-san.

Chara: Fine, we'll take it slow then. –hugs L-

L: But we're not a couple.

Chara: Yet.

Jocelyn: All right enough of this. Let's get going.

"My second question goes to L!

Dear L,

L, you are totally sweet and awesome and I love you!! You are the best character (second comes Near!) of the whole Death Note series and you will be remembered. Also with Watari.. He will be remembered -runs outside to memorial for L and Watari, and puts a flower on both memorials, and runs back inside-. Anyways, even though you are a sugar junkie (aren't we all?), you are totally awesome and you wouldn't be L without being a sugar junkie, cuz that's just sweet! (get it? sugar junkie- sweet? XD) My question to you is: If you didn't die... Would you um, ever considering... –cough- um... –coughgoingoutwithmecough- -COUGH-? Um... ANYWAYS, I LIKE BANANAS! What's your favorite fruit/veggie (if they are in your food group) XD

Love,

3v07"

L: -asks innocently- Why are you coughing? Are you sick?

Light: You're clueless.

Near: He's smarter than you'll ever be, Light.

L: Well, I am very busy and I don't exactly have the time to go out with anyone. Also due to the fact that I don't know who you are. No offense to you personally. And my favorite type of fruit are figs and I don't really eat vegetables.

Matsuda: Is a tomato a fruit or a vegetable?

Fred: Everyone says something different so it could be both.

Matsuda: Hey! There's Fred!

Fred disappears.

Mello: Oh crap, not you too.

Mikami: -sobs uncontrollably- FRED!!!!!!!

Chara: -ignoring Mikami-

"My next question goes to Matsuda:

Dear Matsuda-san,

You are totally awesome Matsuda! I'm glad you didn't like, die. You know? Anyways, Imma get straight to the point... Are you really a pedophile?! I mean, dude, Misa has a point. You like totally hit on Light's younger sister (WHO I MUST SAY IS COOLER THEN LIGHT HIMSELF! OH BURN LIGHT!), and she's still in high school! –gasps- How Matsuda, HOW! WHY! That's like the only flaw in your character, other then totally being blind and not seeing that Light was like God, but you did shoot him in the end, so I was like: WOOT GO MATSUDA -flies banner- And, if you were young and in the same grade, would you consider going out with her? (me: aw) I kknow, strange questions, but w/e! Lol curiousity for me is my randomness... well, a little XD

Love,

3v07"

Matsuda: Yay! People think I'm awesome! I feel so loved!

Mello: Besides the fact that you're a pedophile.

Misa: -points again- Pedophile!

Matt: -not looking up from PSP- That's getting old, Misa.

Misa: -folds arms- But it's true.

Mello: Doesn't make it any less annoying.

Matsuda: Well, no I'm not a pedophile. Sayu's not that much younger…..

Light: Only 10 years or so.

Matsuda: -blushes- Would I go out with her? Well, yes.

L: Now it's an 8 percent chance that Matsuda is gay and 17 percent chance that he is bi. It is now a 4 percent chance that he is straight.

Near: I agree.

Mello: You never have an opinion, Near. You always go along with L.

Near: -rolls eyes and twirls hair-

Jocelyn:

"My next goes off to Misa-Misa:

Dear Misa-Misa,

You know, Misa-Misa. You were like so my fav. character earlier, when you didn't turn out to be so... so... well, disliking... you know? lol. No offense. But anyways, my question to you is: Why did you even want to marry that two-timing/player, loser, who totally sucks, is a selfish guy, uses you, never thinks of anything else but taking-over-the-world, and being God. And even when you found out he like, had it with Takada or was atleast going out with her, why didn't you like leave him?! Are you Psychotic? Oo

Much hate/love,

3v07"

Misa: Light loves Misa-Misa no matter what! He killed Takada so he didn't care about her, only me!

Light: Yes, Misa. You think that. –secret evil grin-

Misa: And Misa-Misa is NOT psychotic! Why does no one say that Mikami is?

Mikami: -sing song voice- Do you know the muffin man! The muffin man, the muffin man. Oh do you know the muffin man who lives on some lane that starts with a D!

Light: L you sound just like Mikami when you sit normally.

L: I will pretend that I did not hear that Light-kun.

Chara:

"My next is for... Mikami!

Dear Mikami,

I'm sorry for the hate mail man... I still kinda, some small part of me likes you. If you didn't die, would you consider being my friend? I wanna get to know you more, I mean, Light had cookies, so like it was inevitable that you were gonna join him in the darkside. (XD)

See ya 'round,

3v07"

Mikami: I WANT A FRIEND!

Light: Good then you'll leave me alone.

Fred: What about me? I'm your friend.

Mikami: -starts wailing- GO AWAY! EVIL FISHY'S BEING MEAN!

Fred: I'm never going to leave you. You're stuck with me forever and ever. –evil laugh-

Mikami: NOOOOO!

Jocelyn:

"And lastly, to Mello and Near:

Dear Mello,

Hello! Btw, you are like totally smexy in those tight pants and it is true, it is your trademark, aside from the chocolate bar of course. I totally love chocolate (XD). Woot go chocolate! The long hair/bangs over face/scar so totally makes you way more likeable then before!! XD You're so awesome. Anyways, my question to you is, and it is way random, but what kind of chocolate do you eat all the time? Dark chocolate? White chocolate? Pure chocolate, or milk chocolate? Tell me!

Fellow Chocolate Lover,

3v07"

Mello: I'm smexy no matter what! With or without these awesome tight pants! And for your information I looked hot without my scar.

Jocelyn: You scared me before you had your scar. Now I think you're hot and sexy.

Chara: Same here. Before I couldn't tell if you were a boy.

Mello: -fumes- Well anyway, who doesn't love chocolate? Pure chocolate all the way! By the way white chocolate isn't real chocolate. It's just crap.

Chara: But I like white chocolate.

Mello: Then you're full of crap.

Chara throws a live raccoon at Mello. Mello screams as it starts clawing at his face. Mello throws it into the audience and everyone screams.

Jocelyn: Finally a live animal!

Chara: Well it wouldn't be able to do any damage if it was dead.

Jocelyn:

"and to Near

Dear Near,

You are like the second best character in the whole series! You are so totally awesome XD and... –cough- if L did die, same –cough- question...

UM and, I have another... Why are you and like Mellow fighting all the time? I mean seriously, I know you'll like totally beat him anyday, but you didn't do anything to him! You're just like solving and re-solving that puzzle at the orphanage right? Idk, well yup!! D

Byes!

3v07"

Mello: Hey! At least spell my name right!

Near: I do not have time for girls and dates.

Matsuda: Do you have time for boys? Teehee.

Near: I'm not gay.

Mello: Unlike you, Matsuda.

Matsuda: You're mean!

Near: And I'm not the one who starts the fight. Mello does.

Mello: Do not!

Near: Do too!

Mello: Do not!

Light: Shut up already!

Chara:

"And this one is to... the hostesses:

I'm like so sorry for writing the longest review ever! Hope you forgive me!

And lastly:

To Fred the Fish: Are you in need of an owner? I'd gladly take you in! XD

Signed,

3v07"

Fred: No thank you. I have Mikami to keep me company.

Mikami: NOOO! GO AWAY! GO AWAY!

Jocelyn: Well, 3v07 you won the award for the longest letter sent to this show! Lol.

Chara: Please no one try to break that record. We are begging you.

Jocelyn: Though feel free to keep asking questions and fan/hate mail!

Chara: Currently in the lead is L with 9 smileys, followed by Mello with 8, Matt with 6, Matsuda with 3, with Mikami and Near with 2. As for hate mail, we have Misa with 1, Takada with 2, and Light is not even running since he received 4 fan and 4 hate mail.

Light: This is so unfair.

Jocelyn and Chara: Well that's it for now! Tune in next time on…

Everyone: THE SHOW WITH NO NAME!

Cameras pan out as lights dim.

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This is officially our longest chapter. As you might have guessed. Please continue to send in questions and fan/hate mail.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: We do not own Death Note, Teletubbies, or ebay, but we do own Fred the Fish. And no offense to any religious groups.**

_Now upgraded, THE SHOW WITH NO NAME pops up on full screen with flashing letters. Dancing anime chibi death note characters are seen along with the two hosts. Chara is chasing random people with dead and alive animals while Jocelyn is firing watermelons at them as well, and yes they are dancing._

Light: That was insulting my pride.

Mello: I agree with you for once. And they're still too cheap to buy chairs!

_Jocelyn and Chara laugh evilly._

Jocelyn and Chara: Welcome back to our wonderful show-

Mello: -mumbles- More like never ending.

Jocelyn and Chara: -ignoring Mello- THE SHOW WITH NO NAME!

_Screaming fans are heard for miles._

_The death note cast are sitting in their usual positions, groaning._

Chara: Hey, Jocelyn?

Jocelyn: Yep?

Chara: I thought there were nine characters….are we missing someone?

_Matsuda pops out of nowhere wearing a hot pink teletubbie outfit._

Matsuda: I'm Bimbo! The Pink Teletubbie!

Everyone: Oo

Takada: -cringes in fear- Get that thing away from me! I've been watching reruns of that stupid show for over 48 hours! AGH!!!!

Mikami: -squeals like a girl- EEEKKKK!

_Fred the Fish pops (once again) out of nowhere._

Fred: Hey does wittle baby Mikami want to go play with freaky gaylord Bimbo?

Mikami: -imitates the painting scream- NOOO!!! HE'S PINK!!! AND SQUISHY! AND….POOFY!! LIKE A MARSHMELLOW!!!! EEKK MARSHMELLOWS!!!

Mello: I thought I was the marshmallow!

Near: I thought you hated that name.

Mello: Uh…go to hell.

Matsuda: But…he's not squishy like me. He's hard….like a rock.

Misa: Cuz you poked him you pervert!

Jocelyn: Ok that was…..awkward. Let's get to the letters then shall we?

Chara: But once again you guys have to stay in your seats cuz we spent all our money on the cool title screen thing.

Jocelyn: And the commercial products.

Light: What commercial?

Chara: -giggles- You'll see.

Jocelyn: -laughs evilly to self- All right. Questions…

"Love Mail (XD) -please consider this as fanmail-:

My dearest L-kun,

I love you! You are the best bishounen ever. I first saw you in my friend's MP3 player, and I vowed to know you better. I downloaded the whole DeathNote manga just to do so! And I fell in love with you even more because of your superior awesomeness and intelligence! You are the coolest Death Note character! I love the way you hold stuff and the way you acted in Death Note Movie: The Last Name. When I read the part in the manga when you died, I really cried (no exaggerating, I really did) and I bashed Raito's evilness in all the blogs and accounts I possessed because he killed you using Rem's emotions. I stopped reading the manga after volume 9 because you weren't there any more and I realized that there was no point in reading if L was not there and I hated seeing Raito-kun take over your position, saying 'I am L' to Near and some other people. Good thing you sent that message that you're dead because I can't stomach people thinking that Raito was L because he isn't good enough to be L. You are the best. I love you, L and I promise to serve as your fan girl forever! Banzai, L!

Love,  
neko11lover

P.S. I also love cakes and chocolates and if I could, I would make you a chocolate cheese cake that's as big as you want!"

Light: What do you mean I'm not good enough? I'm Kira!

L: Now that has officially proved my theory. To think you actually admitted to being Kira.

Light: No fair. But you know what, L? You're chained to a chair so you can't do anything about it.

L: Well you don't seem to be going anywhere either Light-kun.

Light: -grumbles-

L: I appreciate your kind words and it is nice to know that I was missed, but luckily I'm still alive apparently. And you can first serve me as my fan girl by sending me lots and lots of cake.

Jocelyn: Thank you, L.

_Chara tallies one smiley for L._

Jocelyn: Ok, now on with the next question—

Chara: NOO!!! Jocelyn! It's time Oh how could I forget? Yes! We'll be back after a note from our sponsers.

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_Lights pan out and screen goes white as a commercial pops up. Light Yagami walks out of pure whiteness in Jesus robe and long, shaggy, brown beard with a bible in his hands. Close up of bible. It reads Kira's Righteous Order._

Light: I am the Light of the world. Get it? Haha. Ahem. The ultimate way of achieving eternal happiness can now be in the palm of your hands. As soon as you purchase "Kira's Righteous Order" you will find your true self and follow my superior ways. Here is an excerpt from the holy manual….

_Close up of Light's bible opened to page 1036._

Light: Kira's Ten Commandments:

1. Thou shalt obey all of Kira's commandments.

2. Thou shalt kill all evil doers.

3. Thou shalt drink milk for it is good and wholesome.

4. Thou shalt eat barbecued chips for it is crunchy.

5. Thou shalt celebrate Kira's Day. (which is explained on page 972-1020)

6. Thou shalt have a grade point average of a 4.0 or higher. No exceptions.

7. Thou shalt kill all who oppose Kira's lawful ways.

8. Thou shalt destroy all Teletubbie products for they are corrupt and evil creatures.

9. Thou shalt only watch the news for it is educational.

10. Thou shalt always watch the Kira channel. No exceptions. I don't care if you're on your deathbed. Otherwise you will be doomed for eternal damnation.

_Book closes as camera pans out. Full body screenshot of Light._

Light: -raising hands towards heavens- The word of God! For Kira is God! –gets carried off by flying dragon-

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Everyone: -wide eyes-

Mello: That was a piece of shit.

Matt: What was up with the Jesus get-up?

Light: You are all completely hopeless and are doomed for all of eternity.

L: That is completely illogical.

Mello: Who the hell appointed you God, Light?

Light: I did.

-crickets chirping-

Matt: That dragon was cool.

L: I rather enjoyed the part where it carried off Light-kun.

Jocelyn: That was my pet dragon. He was hungry, but I told him not to eat Light because we needed him for the show.

Chara: Awww too bad.

Takada: So was that a blooper?

Chara: Technically yes, but we ran out of film.

Jocelyn: We spent all our money on the title screen, but speaking of bloopers…

Chara: We have a few outtakes as well which I think you'll enjoy. –starts laughing hysterically-

Jocelyn: -laughs with Chara- Here is Light…the one and only um….sorry can't think of a better title.

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TAKE ONE

_This is the ending where Light shouts into the heavens._

Light: The word of God! –gets hit by bus-

TAKE TWO

Light: The word of God! –gets hit by blimp-

TAKE THREE

Light: -getting annoyed- The word of God! –gets struck by lightening-

TAKE FOUR

(now he's pissed)

Light: THE WORD OF GOD! –silence- Hey, nothing bad happened. –acorn falls from sky and gets stuck in Light's throat- -starts gagging-

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Near: Apparently God does not approve of you taking his place.

Light: They were just accidents.

Mello: You're telling me that getting hit by a blimp is an accident? You're on the ground!

Light: It fell out of the sky.

Matsuda: (yes he's still in his teletubbie outfit) –swaying arms and singing- I'm a believer! Not a trace, a doubt in my mind! Yeah I'm a believer yeah yeah yeah yeahhhhh!!!!

_Windows shatter._

Jocelyn and Chara: NOOO! WE DON'T HAVE MONEY TO PAY FOR THAT!

Jocelyn: -calms down- Well we hope you enjoyed that commercial because we certainly did. Although Light as Jesus was a bit corny, but he requested it.

Chara: Here's the next question finally.

"lol this is so funny. aww but why isnt Watari here? he needs some loving and he's so cool! ok anyway i got some questions/fan mail:

L: i will give you fanmail! I admire your intelligence and the fact that you're a detective is always a plus. my first question is what are your favorite fictional detectives? another question that i have is what do you do when you are not solving a case if you ever have free time that is. that's all i'll ask for now.

Mikami: i dont have fan mail for you but i was wondering what possessed you to stab yourself with a pen in the anime Oo"

From: Loyal Subject

_Jocelyn tallies one smiley for L._

Mikami: -confused- No fan mail? –starts sobbing- WHY DON'T I HAVE ANY FRIENDS?!

Fred: I'm your bestest friend in the whole wide world.

Mikami: I don't like you. You're a scary fishy who's always haunting me.

Mello: Hey, you're not screaming like a baby anymore.

Mikami: -starts screaming- I CAN'T HELP MYSELF! I TRY AND I TRY AND I TRY OVER AND OVER AGAIN! BUT I CAN'T GET A HOLD OF MYSELF! IT'S ALL FRED'S FAULT!

L: Thank you. Now Watari is-

Chara: He's too old to be on the show.

L: Watari is currently taking my place as L for the time being because for one he was not dragged onto this show, and two he might have a heart attack from all of the drama that goes on here. As for fictional detectives, I do not read those types of books for logical reasons. They seem too far-fetched to me. And all of the characters seem dense because I can already figure out "who did it" after the first chapter. There is no excitement in those books. In my spare time, I look for more cases that seem interesting.

Misa: You have no life.

Matsuda: You're a workaholic. You should enjoy all the simple pleasures of life more.

Mello: Yes, you should be the one to talk. That outfit shows how simple your mind is.

Matsuda: But I love that show!

Jocelyn: Mikami, please answer your question. What possessed you to stab yourself with a pen?

Mikami: I wanted friends and I knew that being emo was popular and I wanted to be in the "in" crowd.

Mello: That's stupid. Who wants to be emo, anyway? Don't go with the crowd. Look at me, I'm different and I do just fine!

Chara: No offense Marsh-mello, but you're kinda emo yourself. I mean look at how you dress. And about the "in" crowd thing, weren't you in the mafia? So in a sense that sorta means that you were in a crowd….that was in….I think.

Mello: Well I can do whatever I want and I'm still cool. And if you say I'm emo then why call me a marshmallow?

Jocelyn: Cuz it's cute. –smiles-

Chara: Guess what time it is, Jocelyn?

Jocelyn: -squeals- Commercial break!

Everyone: NOOOO!

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_Screen turns pink and black. Black thongs with pink embroidery pop on screen. Thongs are covered in pink happy faces and cursive letters reading "Mello's Happy Thongs"_

Male Voice-over: Cannot fit underwear under those tight pants? Then this product is just for you! This beautifully designed thong is made especially for men who wear exceptionally tight pants.

_In the background Mello is heard screaming about how he refuses to wear a thong. He is shoved out in his regular clothes looking quite annoyed._

Male Voice-over: This man is very happy with his new thong. It is comfortable and easy to put on.

Mello: -growls- I don't wear thongs! I don't even wear underwear!

Male Voice-over: See how happy this young man is? With these thongs he is sure to have a promising future.

_Clip of Mello dead from the manga._

Male Voice-over: Awwww look he's so comfortable he's sleeping.

Mello: That's not funny.

Male Voice-over: So order your own pair of "Mello's Happy Thongs" and get a free bumper sticker that says "I bought Mello's Happy Thongs!" with a border of pink and red hearts. So get your thongs today!

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Everyone: Oo

Matsuda: I'll be your first customer!

_Mello is banging his head against the wall._

Mikami: AHHH! EARTHQUAKE!

Fred: It's ok, Mikami, I'm here to protect you.

Mikami: NOOO! GET AWAY!

Light: Who on earth would buy thongs for men? That is so gay.

Matsuda: Well, then you'll be the second customer.

Light: -shakes head in annoyance-

Chara: Wasn't that fun? –laughs menacingly-

Jocelyn: -Also laughs evilly- Yes, that was very fun. But now it is time for outtakes!

Everyone: -groans-

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TAKE ONE

_This is the beginning of Mello's thong product commercial._

Mello: -holding thong- How the hell do you put this thing on?

_Not on camera, but in the background directing and filming are Jocelyn and Chara._

Chara: Just figure it out, you're a genius aren't you? Or are you too stupid to figure out how to put on underwear?

Mello: This is not underwear! It's lingerie! I don't wear lingerie! I'm not a girl!

_Male voice-over star who looks like a body builder (and bald) walks over to Mello._

Male Voice-Over Star: I can show you how. I wear this brand all the time. –strips off clothes and is left in only a thong-

Mello: AHHH! I'M SCARRED FOR LIFE!

_Jocelyn is crying hysterically and Chara is rocking back and forth in a chair screaming "It burns! It burns!"_

TAKE TWO

Jocelyn: (behind the cameras) Mello, for the last time you have to look happy when you're selling a product. Otherwise no one's going to buy it and we won't have enough money to buy more chairs.

_Mello is standing up straight with an annoyed look on his face._

Chara: Marsh-mello, smile!

_Mello's face turns into a grimace while foaming at the mouth._

Jocelyn: Chara, did you forget to lock up your wolverine again?

Chara: Oops.

(Mello was taken to the hospital and quickly treated although there is no cure for rabies, but he's an anime character so he's in perfect condition.)

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Everyone: -silence-

Light: Hah! Mello, you didn't know how to put on a thong?!

Mello: Shut the hell up! You'd be someone to know how to put one on!

Misa: Hey! Light does not wear thongs!

Matsuda: -talking on phone- Yes…so that will be 5 orders of "Mello's Happy Thongs".

Everyone: -staring at Matsuda-

Jocelyn: Ok….moving along to the next question.

"Great story! Here's my fan/hate mail:

Fan Mail for Misa: You're one of my favorite characters (L is number one, sorry!) but I hate the fact that you like Light. He's horrible to you! So why don't you just leave the jerk and go off with L, ne? You kissed him once, remember? And then he said that he might fall in love with you! So just fall in love already!

Hate Mail for Light: I HATE- no, abhor you! I hope you burn in Hell for an eternity! And besides, you die anyways. Ryuk kills you. That's probably why he's not here, don't you think? He's probably thinking of ways to torture you when you're dead. And Misa doesn't deserve you! She's too good for you! (Count that as a fan mail for Misa please! )"

From: MoodyAura

_Joceyln tallies one smiley for L and Misa and one frowny for Light._

Light: Why do you all hate me? What have I done to you people?!

Near: Well maybe it's because you killed almost everyone here.

Light: But they're still alive aren't they? And what do you mean I'm going to burn in hell? I'm God! I can't burn in hell! Refer back to the commercial.

L: Yes that was rather frightening.

Near: I agree.

Misa: No, Light loves me very much! L…is a creepy pervert.

Chara: Can you shut up with the whole pervert thing?! It's getting annoying.

Misa: -pouts- But its true. And thank you soooo much for your fan mail! But you should be nice to Light. If you love Misa-Misa then you should love Light too.

Jocelyn: Ok everyone, you know the drill.

Everyone: -clueless-

Chara: God, you're all dumb. Except for L…ok sillies, I'll help you out it starts with c, and ends with ommercial.

Matsuda: Water bucket?

Mello: How can you be in the investigation force if you can't even spell?

Matsuda: -smiles- Because I'm so cute and adorable.

Everyone: -groans-

Jocelyn: COMMERCIAL TIME!

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_Same as last time, the lights pan out and full screen pops on. Screen color is blue, like the ocean. Fred the Fish pops out with microphone in fin._

Fred: Good afternoon everyone. I am here to sell you a very entertaining product.

_Big box, with red drape covering it appears out of nowhere. Fred takes off the cloth to reveal Mikami in fishtank._

Mikami: -rocking back and forth- LET ME OUT OF HERE!!! WHERE AM I? FRED? AHHH!! FRED!

Fred: Yes, what a lovely specimen. He can be a wonderful pet or an addition to your living room.

Mikami: -laughing hysterically- WHAA?? I'M GOING TO BE A PET? YOU'RE JOKING RIGHT?

_Fred shakes head._

Mikami: -sobbing uncontrollably- NO FAIR!!

Fred: He's on auction, on ebay, starting at 1 dollar.

Mikami: -face is puffy from sobbing- What? I'm worth more than a dollar!

Fred: Well no one wants to buy a loony, so I have to start the auction at a low price. Well anyways, please put up your auction and the highest bidder will get him by September 19, 2007.

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Light: Haha! That was great.

Mello: Mikami's up for auction? Who the hell would want to buy him?

Mikami: -cries- You're so cruel!

Chara: Blooper time!

Everyone: -clapping and cheering-

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TAKE ONE

_Beginning where Fred introduces Mikami in aquarium._

_Fred pulls off red curtain and reveals Mikami in fishtank._

_Jocelyn and Chara are directing and filming._

Jocelyn: Mikami, it's your cue. Mikami?

_Mikami has turned purple and is floating at the top of the aquarium unconscious._

Jocelyn: Chara, did you forget to give him the oxygen tank?

Chara: Uh….maybe. I have a lot on my mind all right? Cut me some slack.

Jocelyn: I think we should take him out now.

Chara: Does he have to go the hospital?

Jocelyn: He better have insurance to cover the medical bill.

(Mikami was revived in the emergency room and he is now in peak physical health, not mental health of course.)

TAKE TWO

_Fred turns around to introduce Mikami, but the tank is gone._

Fred: How am I supposed to sell a product that's missing?

Chara: Where is Mikami? Jocelyn…what did you do with that stamp that said "Ship to Kenya"?

Jocelyn: I thought you wanted me to paste it on the big box.

Chara: I said the small one.

Jocelyn: Oops.

_Both run outside to catch a plane to Kenya._

TAKE THREE

_Fred once again tries to introduce Mikami, but the tank is missing again._

_Though this time, before anyone has time to ask where he'd gone, they all hear a loud girlish shriek from outside. Fred, Jocelyn, and Chara peer out window to see Mikami's fishtank rolling down the freeway on the cargo rollers._

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Matsuda: -giggles- That looked like fun.

Mikami: -cries- IT WAS SCARY!

Jocelyn: Next letter.

"Mello: Don't let the other letters get you down! I think you look good in tight leather pants. -smirk- And that scar just adds to the sexiness. You could be a model, you know. What shampoo do you use to keep your hair so pretty?

Matt: w00t! I think you may be my favorite character. It's always nice to see a fellow gamer. But what's your number-one favorite video game of all time?

Light: You know, I liked you a lot for the first half of the series - even more than I liked L. Even after L died, you were still pretty cool (although dating Takada was a bad move. She's probably got herpes...). But Vol. 12 changed my mind. YOU, SIR, ARE A .., AND I DON'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE. So there.

Regards,  
Kuroneko"

Mello: What are you talking about? Everyone loves me. And of course I'm sexy with or without this scar. And yes I could be a model, but they are dimwitted. Just look at Misa.

Misa: Hey!

Mello: Shampoo? Why should I give away my secrets? So you could look like me? Look I already got Madonna copying my style.

Chara: Your turn, Matt.

Matt: -looks up from DS- What? Oh, ya thanks for the fan mail. There are too many games too choose from. Although I got to say that Prince of Persia is awesome, the third one. And countless others. Too many to list.

Light: Well, at least I got some fan mail, I'm guessing. But what do you mean that volume 12 changed your mind? Just because I went a little crazy because of everything doesn't give you a reason to hate me. And yes I wanted to kill everyone. How should that affect how people treat me?

Near: You are clueless.

_Jocelyn tallies one smiley for Mello and Matt and one frowny for Light. (yes Light's was counted as hate mail.)_

Chara: We are going to skip a commercial break and get right to the next one since we're running out of time.

Everyone: Awww.

Chara:

"Matt: Well, a PSP cuz it has a cool touch screen with a pen. It's way better than DS.

You put that in your chapter. The DS has a touch screen. Not the PSP. So DS PSP. Pwned." 

Matt: You're confused. Apparently the writers got a DS and a PSP mixed up. I have no idea how, since they are so different. I know my stuff when it comes to technology. But don't take it out on the writers. They don't know any better.

Jocelyn and Chara: Awwww thanks, Matt! You're so sweet! We want to hug you, but there's no time.

Matt: Oh well. Maybe later.

Jocelyn and Chara: YES! Oh and sorry for the mix up.

Chara: Continuing…

"Fanmail: L, Mello, Ryuk  
Hatemail: Misa

"Anyway...

I'll try to kepp this to a minimum...L is pretty much my favorite character as well. But, like another comment before I fear the wrath of his fan squad. So, um, yah, L, did you ever have anyone who was important to you other than Light? Not implying gayness here. It just sounds like kind of a sad life.

On a different note...It's a good thing you keep yourself away from the public...'cause when you sit in yer little position and eat sweets it kinda makes me wanna cuddle you. 'Course, I realize that would probably disturb you, seeing as you don't know me."

L: Yes, it would be awkward if you hugged me and I did not know who you were. Well, I do not want to get into my personal life-

Matsuda: Teehee. So there was someone.

L: Ignoring ignorant Matsuda, I always have my job to keep me busy.

Jocelyn:

"Cough, uh yeah, anyway...Mello. Dude you're just...Kickass. You are smexy, I will admit. But more than that, you're different from the other Kira chasers. You actually got your own gang together and took on the job, instead of relying on other organizations like Near. I'm not necessarily putting Near down, either. Question: Even though and Near are rivals, do you guys have any sort of respect/friendship/colleugeness(sp?) for each other?"

Mello: Of course I kickass. I'm Mello. I even have a music video dedicated to moi. Even though the person who played me was Madonna, it shows that I am popular and my awesomeness. Yes, I'm not like idiotic Near. I actually acted. All he did was sit around playing with his Barbie dolls. How old are you? Too old for that shit that's for sure. And I have no respect for Near whatsoever. All he cares about is himself and his job. He has no heart. It's just a black hole drilled in his chest.

Matt: That's deep, man.

Mello: Well I'm just a deep kind of guy.

Chara: No you're not, you're bipolar.

Mello: NO I'M NOT!

Near: That is rather insulting. I will try to ignore Mello's rudeness and continue with my life chained to this chair.

Mello: See what I mean? He only cares about himself.

Matsuda: Well, what about you?

Mello: At least I have emotions. Near just sits there like a zombie.

Near: I prefer to think of it as being observant of my surroundings, unlike you.

Jocelyn: Ok, that's quite enough now.

Chara: Going on…

"Ryuk. Best shinigami ever. Thank you for killing Light. You kept the plot interesting by standing by and being on neither side. You were like a bad guy without being bad and a good guy without being good. It was weird but...amusing and fun to watch. Question: You said that shinigami don't really love (or maybe Rem, can't remember), but was that only applying to humans? I mean to say, do shinigami have personal friendships/lovers/family with other shinigami?"

Light: Ryuk's not here right now, but he did tell me that shinigami do not have any personal relationships with anyone. Or maybe that's just him. Who knows? He never tells me anything straight or if he does he does it too late. By that time the information is completely useless. I swear you could drill a hole into his head and find that it is hollow.

Jocelyn:

"Misa. You're a retarded hoebag. I wish they showed your death in the anime. You and Light really are perfect. Please die. Rem's dead. You didn't even bother to notice her. She was the only person in Death Note pretty much that cared about you. Question: Since I don't remember it being specified, let's say, Light was killed, or died; you would want to kill yourself, right? In doing so, what would your method of suicide be?

Submitted by:  
Top Secret  
aka Lallyzippo"

Misa: You are soooo mean to Misa-Misa! Well, if Light died, I would jump off of a building. Well, at least that's what they say. There are rumors going around and that really bothers me…

Chara: Ok whatever…Hey Jocelyn? Guess what time it is? Once again?

Jocelyn: It's……COMMERCIAL TIME!

Everyone: -cheers-

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_Big screen pops on to a scene on a deserted street. Misa is sitting in a trash can wearing a potato sack._

Misa: -very pathetically dramatic- Oh I am soooo sad! I live in a trash can! I have no money and I wear rags! –starts to rain- And now I'm all wet!

Male Voice-over: This is how homeless people feel. –big arrows point to Misa-

Misa: Hey! I'm not really a hobo! Misa-Misa is acting!

Male Voice-over: Sure you are….

Misa: -arrows still pointing at her- If you are a poor, ugly, homeless loser then I feel sorry for you and so do other people.

Male Voice-over: So please donate to "Misa-Misa's Hobo Foundation".

Misa: -whispers to self- So I can spend all the money to buy clothes.

Male Voice-over: -phone number appears on screen- Please call the toll free number on your screen and be a good person by donating to "Misa-Misa's Hobo Foundation." Thank you for your support.

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Misa: Misa-Misa is such a good person! And such a good actress!

Near: Not really. That was actually quite pathetic.

Chara: Now time for outtakes!

Everyone: -claps-

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TAKE ONE

_Very beginning, Misa is standing in front of the trashcan._

Misa: Ewwwww! You want me to live in that thing? And wear this? –holds up potato sack- I'm an actress! I'm supposed to be treated like a star!

_Jocelyn and Chara are still directing and filming._

Chara: -speaking slowly to make Misa understand- This is for a commercial. You are not really going to live in a trash can.

Jocelyn: -also speaking slowly- You need to put that on and go in the trash can.

Misa: -whines- But I'm rich!

Chara: Oh, please. Just get in the damn trash can!

Jocelyn: NOW!

Misa: Ok, ok.

TAKE TWO

_Misa is shown decorating trash can with little ornaments and fluffy pillows._

Jocelyn: Um….Misa? What are you doing?

Misa: Decorating Misa-Misa's new house! Isn't it nice? Since I'm going to be living here, I might as well make myself comfy!

Chara: -banging head on wall- How many times do I have to tell you? This is a commercial! You are not a hobo! Just get in the trash can and act like a good little girl.

Jocelyn: And get rid of the decorations. They are so tacky.

Misa: No they're not. If I'm going to be a hobo, I have to be stylish!

_Jocelyn and Chara leave the scene._

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Mello: Wow, Misa, you give blonds a bad name.

Misa: It's not my fault that they wanted Misa-Misa to be a hobo!

Matsuda: I wonder what it's like to live in a trash can. It must smell.

Light: Good job, Matsuda. You get a pin.

Matsuda: -claps hands- Yay!

Takada: Oh my god.

Chara: We have to say that L is once again in the lead, but with 13 fanmail, followed by Mello with 11, then Matt with 8, Matsuda with 3, Mikami and Near with 2. Now as for Hate mail, Light is losing the most with 3, followed by Takada with 2 and Misa with 1.

Jocelyn: That's it for now! Tell us what you think about the commercials! We're planning to do more! Yes! And remember to keep those questions coming so the show can go on! So tune in next time on…

Everyone: THE SHOW WITH NO NAME!

_Crowd cheers as cameras pan out._

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Jocelyn: Sorry we haven't updated recently.

Chara: We started school so we won't update as often, but don't worry we'll still be writing.

Jocelyn: Hopefully we'll have the next chapter up soon! Thanks for all of your support!


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: We do not own Death Note, X-Men, or the SWAT team, but we do own Fred the Fish. And we are not making an actual DVD.**

_Lights go boom as the power goes out. Everyone screams in terror. Backup spotlight shines as Jocelyn and Chara appear wearing ninja costumes complete with swords._

Jocelyn: Hiyah!

Chara: Welcome to our Halloween special of…..

Everyone: THE SHOW WITH NO NAME!!!!!!!!

Jocelyn: Hiyah! I am a banana!

Chara: I like nuts…….

Matt: Woah, you guys are high….per.

_L comes out on stage dressed as a raccoon._

Audience: -cheers-

L: It seems that our hosts are currently unable to host today's show due to an extreme sugar high. As for now, I will be your temporary host. -crowd cheers with enthusiasm-

Light: -scoffs- Why can't I be the host?

L: -ignores Light- It appears we are having some technical difficulties due to the fact that Matsuda-san was playing with the wires and had to be hospitalized. He should be back here shortly. The entire Death Note cast will be dressed in full Halloween costumes. Since our hosts are in no condition to be reading the letters sent by our fans as of now, they will be reading them in our next episode. Hopefully they will have calmed down by then, I apologize for the inconvenience. Thank you. This is a Halloween special so we have a surprise for all of our devoted fans.

_Lights turn back on and all of the Death Note cast is seen on stage in their usual positions. They are all wearing Halloween costumes and looking quite frightened because of the black out._

Jocelyn and Chara: Look at our beautiful creations! -points to costumes- We picked them out especially for them.

_Close up of Light dressed as a purple pixie fairy (complete with a tiara and a tutu). Misa is dressed as a hairy wart. Mello is dressed up as a marshmallow, Near as a sheep, Mikami as an anchove, Matt as Kirby, and Takada is dressed up as a Furby. And L, as we know, is a raccoon (hint: dark bags under his eyes)._

Mikami: NOOO! I'm a fish! I look like Fred! –screams in terror- OMG!!! It's a furby! –points at Takada-

Takada: -looking annoyed-

Mello: Haha! Near, that costume really suits you.

Near: At least I'm not a marshmallow.

Mello: Shut up!

_Matsuda walks on stage, covered in bandages._

Matsuda: Look! I'm a mummy!

Light: You're only a mummy because you stuck your finger in the electrical socket.

Matsuda: I think my hair looks cool all spiky. –electrical current goes through hair- Oh look! A marshmallow!

_Matsuda pokes Mello. Mello is electrocuted and his costume is burnt._

Matsuda: Now you're a roasted marshmallow!

Mello: -writhing in pain on the floor-

Everyone: -ignores-

Light: Why do I have to be a pixie fairy?

L: I think it suits you quite well.

Light: How so?

Mello: -still on floor quivering, but manages to speak- Because you are gay.

Light: I am not!

Matt: Stop denying it, man, it's not cool.

Matsuda: -to Light- You look pretty.

Everyone: -wide eyed-

Near: No comment.

Misa: -starts complaining- Why does Misa have to be a wart?

Takada: Because you are one.

Misa: Misa is not a wart! She is beautiful.

Matt: Yes, a very beautiful wart.

L: Now back to the point. We will be presenting a special sneak peak of our upcoming DVD of behind the scenes from the anime. This DVD is titled "Go Fish". (name created by none other than Fred the Fish)

_Screen shifts to the DVD._

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_Mini-Title: The Anime Experience (the original title): Thoughts on Cast Members_

_(interview with Light)_

Light: Now where to begin…..I think I will start with Matsuda. –hesitant laugh- Well…Matsuda is as dumb in real life as he is in the anime. He's also….a bit more extreme…

_Random clips of Matsuda:_

_Jumps off building singing "We Can Fly" from Peter Pan. Terrible singing turns to shrieking as he nears the ground._

Light: Yes…..I think he's a little off. Now about me-

_Suddenly the earth shakes and the ground splits in two. Light falls through the crack._

_(interview with Mikami)_

Mikami: -excited, starts ranting- Oh my god! Oh my god! I was sooooo excited to get the part of such a cool character! I mean, I have fans! Well, I used to. –starts hyperventilating- And I was called X Kira! And And And!!!!! And it sounds like X Men! And X Men are cool! They have cool powers! Lookie! –pulls out action figure- This is Wolverine! Roar! –starts attacking camera with it-

Camera-Man: &()$!!!!!!!!!!

Mikami: -starts crying- Why don't I get to be an action figure?! Near's doll is fat and ugly. I'm not like that! I'm not!

_Mikami gets swallowed by a giant whale._

_(interview with Near and Mello)_

Mello: -calmly- Ok, before I say anything else, I need to get this off my chest. –rants- WHY IN THE HELL AM I STUCK WITH NEAR?! –fumes- Everyone else gets to have their own interview!

Near: Stop whining. –faces interviewer- What I am about to tell you about Mello, I find quite amusing.

_Mello tenses._

Near: Mello is quite fond of baking. He enjoys making cake and cookies, which he immediately eats afterwards and won't share with anyone else. Oh, and he wears an apron with a pink bunny on it.

Mello: I DO NOT!

Near: Yes you do, I heard you complaining to Matt the other day about how you burnt your tongue. And I have to do laundry so I've seen that apron of yours. Here's proof.

_Secret hidden camera clip of Mello baking in the kitchen with his "special" apron. He's humming to himself in a joyful, carefree manner, "My Boy Lollipop"_

Mello: That was a clone. I had a clone made of myself since I have nothing better to do.

Near: I am quite sure you did, Mello.

Mello: Well, here's an interesting fact about Near. –glares at him- As you might know, Near is often referred to as a sheep. His passion is knitting sock puppets. And he doesn't use yarn, but the "wool" from his own head. He often wears wigs to cover the bald spots. See, watch.

_Secret hidden camera clip of Near shearing the hair off of his head._

Mello: He needs to apply sun ointment to his bald head so he won't get sunburn.

_Black hole appears behind Near and Mello. They get sucked into the void._

_(interview with Misa and Takada)_

Misa: I fell in love with Light when he first walked onto set. –sighs- Oh and Misa-Misa used to have a habit of calling herself Misa-Misa since her character always referred to herself as Misa-Misa. Misa-Misa is sooooo proud of herself! Misa-Misa got over her habit of calling herself Misa-Misa!

Takada: You're doing it right now.

Misa: She is not!

Takada: Dumb blonde. You are referring to yourself in third person.

Misa: Fine! THIS ONE thinks you are a stupid pickle!

(Note to readers: _"pickle"_ in French can also mean _"stupid"_, therefore Misa is really saying _"stupid stupid"_)

Takada: -ignoring Misa's comment- In the anime I was in love with Light. In real life, I was attracted to him at first, but then my passion moved towards –stares directly into camera- THE CAMERA-MAN!

_Camera falls to floor as camera-man is tackled to the ground by none other than Takada. During all of the commotion, a hobo appears on set and carries Misa off, leaving a ransom note posted on the camera._

Ransom Note:

Gorgeo goo ga goobado jooojutagasheee. Ohonogo. Shooka!!!!!!

(Apparently the hobo is illiterate or from a distant planet)

_(interview with Matt)_

Matt: Not to be rude or anything, but I have a few complaints. To start off, I have to say that when I tried out for this role, my character seemed like a pretty cool guy. I mean he's just like me, not being conceited or anything, but it's true. So I show up every day of the shooting, waiting anxiously for my screen time. Of course it doesn't happen. Time flies by, and I sit there playing my video games. Then the one time I actually get any decent screen time, I'm in a cool car chase and I think, "Wow, finally I've got some action." After I say two or three lines, I am shot dead by Takada's police force. And if you tell me I had any more screen time than this, those shots of me playing my video games was really me off camera buying time. End of story. Although I did make a bunch of friends, though most of them aren't exactly stable, I can't complain too much. And the fact that I have more fan girls than Light is definitely a plus.

_Matt takes out cigarette and lights it. Fire alarm goes off and the SWAT team comes in._

SWAT Team Member A: Sir, you're coming with us.

SWAT Team Member B: You are under arrest for an attempted terrorist attack against the interviewer and camera-man.

SWAT Team Member C: We have to take you downtown for questioning.

Matt: Shit.

_Matt is handcuffed and taken away._

_(interview with L and Matsuda)_

L: -sulks- Why is it that there are no snacks available? I've been waiting three hours for my interview and no one has supplied me with even a morsel of food.

Matsuda: -cheerfully- Why don't you eat the table cloth? –points to table off screen-

L: Why don't you, Matsuda-san?

Matsuda: OK! –runs off screen and comes back with table cloth in mouth- It tastes like Near's hair.

L: How do you know what Near-san's hair tastes like? Actually, I refrain my question, I do not want to know.

Matsuda: -ignores L- In the anime, I am a dumb character. I don't know why because I am actually really smartical! –dumb look on face- And my character really looks up to Light because he's so smart, but actually I am smarter than Light in real life.

_Ground shakes and splits in two. Light's head appears from beneath the earth._

Light: You are the most absurd, witless, puerile, and moronic person on the face of the earth!

Matsuda: Haha! You made a pun. You are the one in the earth, so that means you are dumb! Haha!

Light: I didn't mean it that way!

_Light loses his grip and falls back down into the chasm._

L: -wide eyed- I say we should have a strike against the producers who do not provide us with sustenance.

THE END

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L: We hoped you enjoyed this unique episode. As I mentioned before we will be resuming our usual routine next time. Please continue to send in questions as well as fan and hate mail. We will answer all of your questions in due time. Until next time, I bid you adieu. See you next time on…

Everyone: THE SHOW WITH NO NAME!

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Chara: Thank you so much for reading. Hope you enjoyed this episode. We would like your opinions of this episode so please send in reviews along with your questions/fan/hate mail.

Jocelyn: We are soooooo sorry for the long delay. School is in session and we have been drowned in homework. So hopefully we will post up our next episode soon.

Jocelyn and Chara**To keep this show running, we need lots of questions/fan/hate mail. Thank you!**


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